Crisis
by SilverWolf7
Summary: Lucifer calls in an emergency session during the middle of the day to discuss his emotional reactions towards Amenadiel. Episode tag for S03E04.


Crisis

Linda was with a client when the emergency phone line went off. She blinked and stared at the black monstrosity on her desk, before turning back to her patient.

"I'm sorry, George. That's the emergency line. I need to take this call."

George got up and went towards the door. "That's okay. I'm doing good this month anyway. The new meds are working well."

Nodding, she went to the phone and picked it up. "Hello, Doctor Martin speaking."

"Doctor Linda, I...I think I need a session. Like, right now."

She looked towards the door, which was now closed and sat down at her desk. "Okay, Lucifer. What's wrong?"

"I don't want to do this over the phone! Can I come over? Are you with anyone right now? I know how you don't like me interrupting your other sessions and it's the middle of the day."

"No, Lucifer, I'm not with anyone now. Come on over."

She had barely hung up the phone when the door burst open and Lucifer entered, looking distinctly stressed. His wings were out, which was weird. He didn't like his wings and what they signified to him. "Lucifer! You flew here?"

He looked to her, blinked, stretched out a wing so he could see the white feathers and scowled. "Damn it! And yes, I did. I just...I really just want to talk about this. I didn't want to wait. I don't know what else to do!"

And that alerted Linda that there were big problems going on. For someone who usually goes with the philosophy of do what you want, he was unusually wired which meant generally he was guilty of something. She moved to her session seat to be closer to him.

"Well, let's talk then. What's wrong?"

He raised his hands and ran them both through his hair, a nervous gesture he rarely did. "I...I went a little off the deep end on this last case and...Well, I got confused and almost killed our perp. Thankfully, the Detective wasn't with me, and it was Amenadiel that found me and stopped me."

Linda sighed with relief. "That's good. That your brother found you before you did something you'd regret. But I have the feeling that's not what's got you so stressed."

He sighed and begun pacing. That his wings were still out like he had forgotten about them worried her more than she thought it would. "I...Well, Amenadiel came home with me. And he was talking about how he didn't think I was a bad person and he realised that maybe Dad wanted him to keep an eye on me and that's the reason he was here. And, okay, fine, that's the kind of weird thing Dad would do to annoy both of us. But..."

Linda leaned forwards in her seat. "But...?"

Lucifer ran a hand down his face. "He...he said that he'd have my back from now on. That he'd stick by me and be there and I just...I don't get it."

"Don't get what?"

"Why it upset me! I mean, it really upset me! I went to the piano to play something to calm myself down and I couldn't!"

Linda cocked her head to the side at the couldn't. That didn't sound right. "Are you sure you couldn't, or did you not want to?"

He looked at her, surprised. "Are you saying I wanted to feel upset?!"

"I'm saying that I don't think you knew what you wanted in that moment. What happened after?"

Lucifer sighed, folding up his wings and she watched them disappear from view afterwards. "I told him a story from my time in Hell and..."

"And?"

"I...I left the piano and just yelled at him. Told him the nastiest things I could think of, all of it known facts mind you, but in the worst way possible. I...I don't know why I did that instead of just ignoring him, but...I don't know what I was doing."

Linda nodded. "Okay, and what was his reaction to that?"

He looked at her and his eyes were sad and haunted. "He...he said he knew what I was trying to do but it wouldn't work. That he'd still have my back."

Linda smiled and nodded. "That's a good thing. He didn't take your words to heart, understanding that something he did or said upset you and you were taking it out on him. That's actually really good of him. He's acting like a big brother."

"But I didn't want him to say that! It...It really pissed me off. I was so angry! He left and I may have thrown a glass at a mirror and shattered it. I didn't like what I saw staring back at me. I just...I don't understand why I did any of this. I'm so confused, it's overwhelming."

Linda nodded. "Feeling overwhelmed is probably why you threw the glass and broke the mirror. But, Lucifer, what were you truly feeling? Anger is a mask for other emotions."

Lucifer did a few more circuits of her office, before throwing himself at the lounge. He threw an arm over his head. "I...I don't know. Probably sadness. Maybe a little..."

"Fear?"

He sighed. "I shouldn't be afraid of anything, but lately everything seems to make me fearful of something. I guess worry is more right the other times but...sadness and fear, maybe. Yes."

She nodded. "Good. It's good that you can accept and admit that out loud. That's progress. Usually you deny fear of any sort. You said you were upset earlier, before yelling at Amenadiel. That you had a chance to calm yourself down from that, but didn't take it, instead choosing to turn your negative emotions into anger and taking it out on your brother. Do you know what triggered that?"

He frowned at the ceiling and shrugged his shoulders awkwardly from his position lying across the lounge. "I don't know. Maybe...maybe it had something to do with what he said. I...I think I just wanted him gone. To leave me alone, but..."

"But he said that he wouldn't do so. That he has your back now and he'd look after you regardless of what you did or said to him. Okay, when was the last time anyone treated you like that? Like a family member should?"

And she knew she had hit the actual problem right on the head when she saw Lucifer's eyes fill with tears. She'd never actually seen him cry in a session. Even with Uriel's death, he hadn't cried. Back then though, he had been in shock with that whole affair though. This was still recent, but upsetting, not shocking.

"I...I don't remember. Why does this make me so upset?"

"I think something made Amenadiel realise that you're lonely. You've been without anyone of your own kind for so long, your family, that even one of them finding out you're nothing like what you want people to believe, or what they have been fed through religion. You're starved for true affection from another angel. And he's starting to give you that. But you've gone so long without, the thought scared you and you did what people do when they are scared. You tried to push what you feared away."

He looked at her, almost desperately and she was surprised to see the tears spill over and make tracks down his face. "You think I need this?"

Linda closed her eyes and sighed. "I think part of you does. You still care for your family, even with the neglect and abandonment. And Amenadiel is pretty much guaranteed to be sticking around for a while. He's your big brother, Lucifer. You look up to him. Maybe...maybe you should give him a chance and let him be your big brother and look out for you. Watch your back as he called it. But it's also okay to be afraid of that. You've been without for so long I'd be surprised if this didn't happen again several times before you're comfortable enough to accept it."

Lucifer sat up, rubbed at his leaking eyes and let out a shaky breath. "I...I suppose I could try. Shit, I'm going to start really crying in a minute..."

Linda nodded, giving off a calm demeanour. "That's okay, Lucifer. Crying is good. It releases stress and will help calm you down a bit. It's not a weakness. And it makes sense with how upset you are to let that out."

He turned his back on her and let out his wings again. She was wondering why until he curled them as best he could around himself as a security screen. He didn't want her to see him cry. She got up from her seat, moving back to her desk and let him be.

He didn't move from that spot for a half an hour. She doubted he spent most of that time crying. He either fell asleep because he was emotionally drained, or he just needed time to himself and took it the only place he felt right then he could.

Either way, as soon as he unfurled his wings from around himself, made use of the tissue box on the table and let out a grunt of unknown meaning, he was out the door. Linda stayed at her desk, looking at the time, knowing she had another appointment in 15 minutes.

She would cancel, but it was an important session coming up.

Sometimes clients could be draining on her. Lucifer was draining in ways she rarely had to deal with, because he was a different species.

At least all her other patients had problems that didn't involve wings in any way.

Hopefully Lucifer followed her advice and let Amenadiel just do his role as caring big brother.


End file.
